For the Love of God, Don’t Call Me Pastor’s Wife.

*WARNING: This post contains some serious ranting*

I just came from meeting with someone who is relatively new to our church community, an old friend of my husband’s. I’m in no way having a dig at her because it’s not about her- it’s about what she, like so many people, have assumed about me. We were getting to know each other a bit when suddenly came the question: “So what do most of your days look like as a pastor’s wife?”

I kind of felt like I could have exploded like the Ursula, the evil witch on The Little Mermaid. I emphatically stated, “I’m not just a pastor’s wife!” When inside I was thinking 1000 other things such as “So you think *that’s* my identity and great role in life, to support my husband and not to have my own calling in addition?”, “I practice playing the organ and make sure his shirts are pressed and clean, duh”, “I make sure that all the women in the church are cared for because as a woman I’m only able to minister to other women or children.” SERIOUSLY, haven’t we come further than this?! Would anyone think to ask my husband what his days are like as the church’s community coordinator’s husband?

I am very proud of my husband, proud that he’s pastoring this group of people- but do not define me by who he is. I am my own person, I have been working in ministry for five years before we were married and I’d still be doing so if we weren’t married. Prior to marriage, when we started The Bridge together, would anyone have thought to ask, “what are your days like as the girlfriend of the pastor?” I care for my husband the same as any other wife would, and I don’t do it differently because he’s a pastor- I’d love and encourage him and serve him just the same if he were a mechanic or had a newspaper delivery round. Sure, life is different because of the work we’re involved in, but just because I’m a woman do not assume that I play a certain role, much like the First Lady in a man’s Presidency.

To be honest, this question belittles me. I am not primarily a woman and certainly not primarily the wife of a pastor. I am primarily a human created in God’s image and his servant. Equal with my husband in EVERY way, including my calling. So if you’d like to know what an average day looks like for me, ask but don’t taint it with sexist assumptions or gender roles.

I could go on to rant about a lot of things people assume right now, but I’ll keep it at that for now lest I become a sourpuss.

For the Love of God, Don’t Call Me Pastor’s Wife.

One thought on “For the Love of God, Don’t Call Me Pastor’s Wife.

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